Things have been heating up in the Halo fandom for a while now with the weekly release of new episodes for the Paramount + content. Which by the way, yet another streaming service subscription it sounds like. Anyway, the fans I’ve followed have repeatedly voiced their concerns with the show’s quality week after week given certain writing decisions, and now that has reached a boiling point with last week’s episode where apparently Master Chief got himself some Covenant spy ass while Cortana watched. While I’m sad to hear the fans had their dreams crushed by such wild happenings, I am very grateful that the sexual nature of this outbreak gave me a perfect excuse to discuss it with you all.

So why are people upset that their gigachad fan favorite character is getting a little pussy? Shouldn’t they be clapping and cheering with light coming down from the sky? Not quite. Full disclosure I’ve never personally played any of the Halo games, I simply have the small amount of knowledge that even non-fans have about such a legendary franchise. To my understanding, Master Chief and emotions have never gone that well together. He’s too far into the war machine and it takes several games and several storylines to make the Chief understand more human emotions and grow as a person. Cortana is ironically an essential part of this process as even though she herself is an A.I., it at times feels as if she is the more “human” of the two. I saw claims that Chief was flatout asexual from fans, and while I have no evidence to confirm or deny that, I can at least say that Chief was, in the games, the type of person who probably doesn’t connect with others on an emotional level very often. Thus Cortana and the Master Chief have always had this sort of unspoken “love-ish” type of bond as they force each other to grow in their journeys and expand past their current states of emotional understanding.

Ay girl if your virtual DMs are open now after this cuckery, I'm ready to step up.

So as you can imagine, fans are already upset as hell about some of the basic writing quality in the show and the blatant disrespect of the creators who openly stated they don’t really care about what happens in the games and are just going to do their own thing with the franchise, and now this tipping point exploded. Whether it be fans upset that Master Chief is doing dumb shit like boning a Covenant spy, fans upset that Master Chief is fucking someone whose not Cortana, fans upset that Cortana is watching, the cheeky little A.I…. or fans upset at the ridiculousness of the whole situation, it’s safe to say the show has been solidified as a failure for many. It will go down to most in the Halo fanbase as another horrible attempt at creating a live action show based on a video game. Hmm… wish I could wrap this up with a reference. Uh…something something…The Flood…wins…we didn’t…we didn’t wake Master Chief when we needed him, we woke him when we wanted him. And that was our first mistake.

I'm sorry we had to show you that sir... we don't like the show either.

One day maybe nerdy franchises will be treated with care when trying to transform them or make them appealing to wider audiences. However uh this one won't be the one to do it. Did you play the Halo games growing up? Have you seen any of the show? Based on your knowledge of Halo, does this shit sound stupid af? Grab your helmet, arm a weapon, and finish the fight in the comments below!