Recently someone on the Doujins staff team had a birthday, and that got my lame ass thinking. Isn’t there something about birthdays that’s supposed to be hot? Birthday candles? I mean yeah they’re technically hot. Birthday suit? That can be lewd and hot depending on who is having the birthday. Birthday gifts? If you gift someone a sex toy or something that would definitely be… wait a fucking second. Birthday sex. I’ve heard that term before. 

My own personal definition for what I know about birthday sex would be “free sex given to the birthday boy or girl, typically arranged by their friends”. Like hiring an escort or stripper or something. That’s what I remember from movies anyway. However, a quick look at the most trusted dictionary on the Internet led me to doubt myself. Apparently, the sex is often given by a boyfriend or girlfriend. Suddenly, I realized why I’m so unfamiliar with this term. And that got me sad real fast.

Only the most respectable sources in the industry.

You know when you’re a kid, you could be happy receiving a Hot Wheels car for your birthday. Hell draw a smiley face on a rock and some kids will be elated. But as you get older your birthdays start to become a chore rather than something you look forward to. “Oh great, I’m aging? Woo hoo. Now that’s what I call celebratory.” Once you start making your own money, you pretty much buy yourself whatever you want, whenever you want assuming you can afford it. And listen onaholes don’t cost that much. That means it’s really hard for friends and family to buy you something you’d thoroughly enjoy that you don’t already buy for yourself. The idea of birthday sex is fucking amazing because you can get something special that you literally can’t buy for yourself. Well, in some places I guess you could but you catch my drift. You know how much extra they charge for the Mommy fee? You might as well be unable to buy it.

Now this is a lot more familiar.

My question for you all, is does this shit actually happen? Does your partner say “hey honey, it’s my birthday next week so get ready for pound town”? Or is this another myth concept that never happens in real life (like an anime highschool experience)? Light some candles, blow them out, and wonder when the pain will end in the comments below!